Set the world on fire

Source: http://xaxor.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/inspirational-quotes-thoughts-part14-5.jpg

the meeting place of comfort and risk

Source: http://loftisssays.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/some-inspirational-quotes-20.jpg

Choose wisely

Source: http://www.quotesforthemind.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Inspirational-pictures-Dont-give-up-what-you-want-most-for-what-you-want-now.jpg

Agent of Chaos

Source: http://img.humorsharing.com/media/images/1202/i_inspirational_quotes_part_5_inspirational_quotes_001_4f37bc5eb0294.jpg

The torch of victory!

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. -- e.e. cummings

During these past two months of looking for a job, I have had an epiphany (not the one I was looking for, but to quote a famous band; “you can’t always get what you wa-ant.”) This manifestation of sudden knowledge was that job hunting is like being on the Bachelor (which is fantastic because what girl feels like she needs more dating in her life? It’s like the world has created another source of nervous encounters and rejection for me, and have wrapped it all up with a fuck you bow.)

Wonderful.

Now, as the honest person that I am, I should also tell you that I have never actually watched the Bachelor (it’s still on - right?) So, any connections I draw between the two are from my own inference and brain workings (honestly, how difficult is it really to understand the show? I am serious. I haven’t seen it before.) Okie dokie, now that that is off my adequately shaped chest -- where was I?

Oh. right.

Roses are a universal dating symbol for “I like you.” In the job hunting world, roses are interviews and jobs; illustrations that you did something right in the previous steps. Roses also further show you that you didn’t fuck it up. They are the sweet rewards of moving up through the interview process, and when you finally get to the finale there is (more likely than not) a man in a suit offering the final rose -- the job.

All seems simple enough, until the competition is added into the mix. Now, these competitors are not just wholesome Jills and Janes from next-door. These crafty bitches have a PhD in bullshit (the smell seeps from their pores because they are so full of it.) They are the Ditto pokemon incarnate -- they can morph into anything : “You want an adventurous girlfriend?-- Call me Marco Polo!” “ You want someone whose second language is binary code? -- 001000110100!”

Sickening really.

Then, finally it is over. The top has been reached, and you are last person standing. The victory is sweeter because the pretenders have fallen -- the rose has been won! (Insert roaring crowd noise here.)

Mission fucking accomplished

Source: http://doblelol.com/thumbs/funny-quotes-with-swear-words_4713950973725095.jpg

Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. -- Wayne Dyer

As a recent college graduate, I thought I would have my life figured out.

Man, was I wrong.

When I was younger, I always thought that when I finally graduated college I would be a card carrying adult. An adult that, like, knew things. I thought that once I crossed the book riddled finish line I would know what my path in life was going to be.

Funny.

When the day finally came, I had no fucking clue about what I was going to do with my life after that moment. My 22 years of existence on this blue marble had lead up to this moment of a glorified stroll across a stage. The jaunt was the end result of hundreds of caffeine riddled nights, the reading prowess of thousands of pages, mind-numbing projects, and years of sugar-infused studying. Naively, I figured that the end result of all of this work would match all of the hard work (and money) that I had put into it (the culminated weight of the two would probably equal the weight of an African elephant and his hippo friend.) But, life is not a dream world filled with unicorns shitting rainbows, and in this world we live in -- not everything turns out the way we expected it to.

During the days leading up to my graduation, I knew that the end was coming. My fucking student planner told me so. I just stupidly expected that I would wake-up one morning with a knowledge surge of what being an adult really meant. To no one’s surprise (except my own,) it did not happen. I never ended up having an ‘ah-ha’ moment when the puzzle pieces of the universe neatly snuck into place to reveal the secret on how to be a successful adult person. Instead when the big day finally arrived, I felt like I had been caught with my dick in my hands with the lights on. Side note: As a lady, I only have a metaphorical dick -- not a real one (I also have a pair of metaphorical balls too, but that is not important right now.)

So it is here where we lay our scene: at the brink of being a grown-up. This is not the Rugrats' version of being grown-up, this is the real thing. This is real life. Or, rather, my real life, and my unsuccessful jab at wearing the adult uniform.