It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. -- e.e. cummings

During these past two months of looking for a job, I have had an epiphany (not the one I was looking for, but to quote a famous band; “you can’t always get what you wa-ant.”) This manifestation of sudden knowledge was that job hunting is like being on the Bachelor (which is fantastic because what girl feels like she needs more dating in her life? It’s like the world has created another source of nervous encounters and rejection for me, and have wrapped it all up with a fuck you bow.)

Wonderful.

Now, as the honest person that I am, I should also tell you that I have never actually watched the Bachelor (it’s still on - right?) So, any connections I draw between the two are from my own inference and brain workings (honestly, how difficult is it really to understand the show? I am serious. I haven’t seen it before.) Okie dokie, now that that is off my adequately shaped chest -- where was I?

Oh. right.

Roses are a universal dating symbol for “I like you.” In the job hunting world, roses are interviews and jobs; illustrations that you did something right in the previous steps. Roses also further show you that you didn’t fuck it up. They are the sweet rewards of moving up through the interview process, and when you finally get to the finale there is (more likely than not) a man in a suit offering the final rose -- the job.

All seems simple enough, until the competition is added into the mix. Now, these competitors are not just wholesome Jills and Janes from next-door. These crafty bitches have a PhD in bullshit (the smell seeps from their pores because they are so full of it.) They are the Ditto pokemon incarnate -- they can morph into anything : “You want an adventurous girlfriend?-- Call me Marco Polo!” “ You want someone whose second language is binary code? -- 001000110100!”

Sickening really.

Then, finally it is over. The top has been reached, and you are last person standing. The victory is sweeter because the pretenders have fallen -- the rose has been won! (Insert roaring crowd noise here.)

Mission fucking accomplished